goodness

well, its been an interesting process. God is the God of testing and its good. James 1:3,4
Today I had the worst cramps of my life. Add vomiting and diarrhea. But I felt like it was good. I felt like it was God flushing my system, spiritually and emotionally. And I had greater revelation as to the verse "Jesus learned obedience by suffering" Jesus had to learn to take His thoughts captive too. And it is in simply taking our thoughts captive.
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i feel a little low on the spiritual fellowship side. i wish there was someone i could be real with my struggle about. i wish i could divide more quickly whether i'm looking for an idol or i'm just looking for fellowship...this i know that you are Jehovah Jireh, my provider.

i felt like something was missing in my walk, and i realized that i wanted stablity. i want less double mindedness in myself. i want to stand in faith and righteousness and not just want it, but walk it out. perhaps it could be said that it is not what i'm missing, but the poison injected into my diet of doubt. Doubt, fear, condemnation, unbelief is not from God. help me remember that God.

often times i find myself missing certain things. things that i didn't know i needed, but i miss them anyway. but i realize, i need to ask.

So i ask for faith and wisdom and not doubting that God will grant it because God is good.
i must not doubt.
but i think there's more than that...something else is not stable. i feel like there's no real growth. i want to be a tree, not just a flower....

light the fire in my soul again
open my eyes to see the darkness and light again.