well

I've been doing a lot of thinking about what I want, and I want to be free. I want truth, so I can be free. And God is so gentle in drawing me back in all my confusion and emptiness. I feel pretty empty. These's things stick out to me, the truth will set me free, so live by truth and stand for what's right. I felt like God wanted me to watch the Blindside. So I did. And it really struck me just how much God loves me and wants what's best for me. And how He will protect me and how He wants what's best for me. When He tells me to do something. Like to today, I went to Northpointe, because I wanted to worship. Yes, I wanted to worship God on my own terms, but, He told me to leave. I know that the church I'm at is the best church, but I chafe, it's true. It's a high standard here, but I guess I'd rather have that. I'd rather have the crazy warfare, and have the truth rather than stand for half truths. So help me God. I've made so many mistakes. But I'm going to listen now, because I've decided what I want. I want to stand for truth and I want to be righteous. Not to escape hell or anything, but because I want to stand for something. I was inspired by the Blindside. I forgive myself for the mistakes I've made. I feel so guilty, but I know God forgives me. I feel so condemned for chafing. I need to not feel empty anymore.

Anyhow, God told me to do a couple things. worship. No, sweets, no CNN, no going to other people. He will restore my sight. Fast and pray He said, fast and pray. I need to focus and respect what's right. And not demand from God anymore. I repent Lord, of my pride and anger towards God. Thank you for the life you gave me God.